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Dealing
with the death of a loved one
When
someone dies as a result of them being a heroin addict, it obviously comes as a
shock as even though you might have known they were using and were therefore at
risk, you have no way of predicting that this would happen. Loved ones who did
know about the use can often be left blaming themselves for not doing whatever
they could to stop the addiction before this happened and those that didn’t
know, left blaming themselves for not knowing and not being involved enough.
Most
deaths are accidental and the main reasons are: contaminated heroin, misjudging
the purity, combining it with other drugs or drink. A small number could be
suicide but this isn’t very common. Reasons
for sudden death
Obviously
there is nothing that anyone can say to make it better but remember to put the
death into perspective. Heroin users know the risks that they are taking when
using and you have no control over the choices they made. Even when it is a
young person that has died, remember that no matter what you could have done to
try to stop them, they would have used regardless if they had wanted to
continue. Their death is in no way your fault and you are not to blame.
Remember
the following when thinking of a loved one who has died through their heroin
use:
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The
person knew what they were doing – they made the choice to use
knowing the risks that they were taking of death, serious injury, jail,
etc. This doesn’t mean that you cant feel sorry for them.
-
They
enjoyed using heroin – and took it because of the good feeling that
it gave them. A lot is said about people taking heroin to blot out unhappy
events in their life but this isn’t why the majority of people take it.
It starts off being something to try for fun and they continue because
they enjoy it. So don’t look for reasons why they you might be to blame
for their use – they used because they liked it.
-
They
had a painless death - It might be small comfort but also remember
that heroin is a powerful painkiller and gives a great feeling of warmth
and joy, and therefore your loved one wont have suffered. Some simply
drift off into sleep whilst others may have seizures and foam at the
mouth, however the user wont feel anything except the positive feelings of
heroin that they enjoyed.
If
you know someone who is using heroin, you can prepare yourself a little in case
they do die in the future. You can also advise them about the dangers, so that
hopefully you can prevent this from happening at all.
-
Be
honest – speak to them about important things and let them know that
you love them. Don’t put off things till tomorrow, do and say everything
that you want to today.
-
Remember
the danger – and be realistic about what could happen. Speak to them
about safer injecting practices and testing their gear on foil before
injecting. More information on this is on the Safer
Injecting Page.
-
Remind
them of tolerance – especially important when someone has stopped
using. Let them know how pleased you are with their progress but also
remind them that if they did start using again, their tolerance would be
lower and to use the same amount as before a detox could mean death. Be
realistic about the fact that a lot of people relapse.
-
Remind
them about mixing drugs – do they know all the facts and are they
careful about not mixing drugs or drink? Heroin and alcohol are the most
deadly combination. A lot of heroin users like to take sleeping tablets
with heroin as it makes the heroin effect more powerful and you obviously
doze more. Ask them to take care if they are doing this and not to take
too many tablets at once.
-
Don’t
isolate them – let them know that you are there for them and can be
called upon, especially in an emergency. Let them know that if they feel
they need help, they can call no matter what time of day.
-
Ask
them to keep you informed – of their whereabouts and movements. So
that if anything happened you would have an idea of where they were and
could go and assist.
-
Clean
equipment – do they know the proper ways to clean their works and do
they ensure that they use their own water, spoon, etc. Speak to them about
this and help them find a needle exchange if necessary.
-
Don’t
preach or judge – as this will just drive them away and make them
more secretive. Let them know that you don’t agree with their lifestyle
and you want them to stop. However, you are there for them to talk to you
and that you want them to be honest. Constant lectures etc. will only make
them lie about their use and stop telling you.
-
Don’t
force them to stop – yet again, this will only lead to lies and them
using behind your back. Even if you lock them up for a few weeks and you
get them clean, they will only go out and use the minute they can and with
their lowered tolerance, could cause their death. Instead offer help to
them and tell them that you will assist them when THEY are ready.
If
you have lost a loved one, please accept my condolences. Obviously nothing can
take the pain of this loss away but don’t spend your time blaming yourself and
others for their death. Remember that they knew what they were doing and that
you couldn’t change them. Try to think of the positive things in their life
and remember the good times.
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